• Dawn Ford

The Mistake I Made With My Grieving Friend

Updated: Jan 16



November 2017

I thought this was such a brilliant article.

https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-should-all-stop-saying-i-know-exactly-how-you-feel/

It highlights the 'thing' that so many do when attempting to console someone who has suffered a loss, and that is to tell them about your loss or even to compare the 'losses'. Both are HUGE no no s! On the Grief Recovery Method this is one of the many things that clients talk about - the fact that family or friends or in deed both, do not REALLY listen and that many of them, perhaps because they feel uncomfortable, shift the focus from the one grieving on to themselves.


This excerpt was taken from the book 'We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter' by Celeste Headlee. I also love her explanation around different responses - one being a 'Shift Response', ( the one formerly mentioned) where you change the emphasis from the one you are 'listening' to or supposedly supporting, back to yourself and the other type of response which is the 'Support Response', which does exactly what it says on the tin.

Many automatically do the Shift Response, either consciously or unconsciously but if we can all become aware of how unhelpful possibly insensitive these remarks can be then the world could be a much more truly supportive place.