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  • Writer's pictureDawn Ford

Do You Say You Are OK When You Are Not OK?

Updated: Jan 16, 2020

July 2018

DO YOU WORK all the hours you can to avoid feeling, remembering, the pain inside?

DO YOU DRINK to forget?

DO YOU EAT to numb the pain inside?

DO YOU PARTY constantly to avoid being alone with your thoughts?

DO YOU ISOLATE yourself because you can't face other people?

DO YOU SPEND money on retail 'therapy', because you want to try and feel better?

DO YOU FIND YOURSELF turning to drugs or increasing the amount you take because the heartache is too much to bear?


DO YOU GO OUT SEARCHING FOR COMPANY OR SEX because you can't bear to be alone, you can't bear not to be held, or desired?

DO YOU TRY AND ESCAPE REALITY by watching hours of TV or playing fantasy games?

DO YOU FEEL SAD, WORTHLESS, DEPRESSED OR ANXIOUS with your life and don't know how to get out of the' dark place'?

DO YOU CARRY FEELINGS of shame, guilt, remorse, and anger and don't know how to resolve the pain internally?

Do YOU 'STAY STRONG' for others, despite not wanting to? DO YOU HOARD because you don't know how to let go?

DO YOU SAY YOU ARE OK when you are far from OK?

If you have answered YES to any of the above questions this could indicate that buried deep inside you there may be an experience that has left you troubled, hurt, disappointed, heartbroken and incredibly sad or angry. The Grief Recovery programme may well be able to help you.

I run The Grief Recovery programme from 'The Garden Room' in my home in Hereford . This programme enables you to go from a place of emotional pain to a place of acknowledgement, acceptance and hope. You need to be willing to look deep inside, to revisit feelings, memories, to be honest and truthful to yourself. Most importantly you must WANT to change.

There will be experiences - things said or done, (or sometimes not said or done) that you feel you need to apologise for or forgive. The definition for forgiveness we use is : 'Forgiveness is to cease to feel the pain caused by an offender.' Therefore forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

By working through you life's journey and noting your various losses (bereavement of course, the death of a beloved pet, but also the loss of a significant relationship, divorce, estrangement, loss of health, career, financial independence, loss of home etc.) you will become aware of just how much loss you have suffered and probably how unacknowledged they all were, by you or by others, comments such as: " You are young enough too have more children." " He was a good age. "You were lucky to have had her for so long." "There's plenty more fish in the sea." "It was only a dog."

The next step is to compile a Relationship Graph, where you concentrate on one person ( if you have more than one relationship that is causing you heartache, I would suggest that you start with the one that is currently causing you the most pain) noting the positives as well as the negatives. This is a completely honest, 'warts and all' look at the relationship. As a result of this emotionally reflective exercise you will then write down the apologies, forgives and feelings (Significant Emotional Statements) entwined with this chosen relationship. This work concludes with a Completion Letter with all the previous as content. The final session is the reading of this Completion Letter.

I could not believe the tears that flowed when I did my first Relationship Graph. Neither could I have imagined just how significant an emotional release it was for me when I wrote down and then shared out loud my Completion Letter. For my clients sharing with someone, usually for the first time, their most secret fears, shame and perhaps guilt too can be quite literally a huge weight off their shoulders. It is also wonderful revisiting and sharing all the times of joy they shared with that particular person too.

If you think this holistic educational & wellbeing programme could be for you or anyone else you know who is struggling with an emotional loss please do get in touch.

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